1 day before D-day
I don’t know if this is how you’re supposed to start these things, but if I don’t talk to someone… to something – I feel like I’m going to explode. Tomorrow is the first day of medical school. I’m quite sure my parents already wrote the date down on the day I was freaking born. Apptacys are doctors. Always have been, always will be.
Tomorrow I’m going to take my chance. If he says no, well, then it wasn’t meant to be. Then it just means that I can’t change my destiny.
He said yes. I can’t believe it. He actually said yes. Ezradun Sharvan is going to be my mentor, already is my mentor. I’m going to become a mechanic. His workshop is small, there are thingamajings all over the place – grease too- and I love it. There’s warmth, unlike the sterile, dead environment of a doctor’s office or a clinic.
I nearly got caught by mother though. Didn’t really get the chance to clean my hands and my coat had some smudges on it too, but I managed to get past her. Sent my adrenaline levels through the roof though. Will need to be more careful in the future.
Exams are coming up soon. I should really start studying for them. I’ve attended not a single class this semester, but I have all the books and data I might need. Maybe I should ask Ezradun if I can only come in the mornings for the next few weeks, so I can start cramming. The longer I can pretend that everything is going okay at medical school, the longer I can continue learning from Ezradun in peace.
Okay I still can’t believe it. I can’t believe it! He gave me an old – really old – swoop bike. My official, long-term project: fixing it! I’m so proud at how far I’ve already come. Choosing Ezradun as a mentor was the best decision of my life and I owe him so much. I’ll have to pay for all the parts and tools to fix it myself though. I mean, I’d expect and want nothing else, but I’ll definitely have to start planning ahead budget-wise.
Had another tricky moment today. Father asked me how the classes were going. I don’t know how, but I managed to talk myself out of that conversation by diverting the attention to mother’s cooking skills. I don’t think he’s onto me, but I’ll have to be more careful.
Managed to make my score sheet disappear. 6 exam results that say “no show” would be too difficult to find an excuse for.
The swoop bike is beginning to look more like a bike again and less like a rusty skeleton. Running out of money though, will have to start asking mother for more. I’m sure students need their own microscopes or some other expensive things. Surely.
I’ve been an idiot. I’ve become too careless and nonchalant. Mother asked why my clothes are always so dirty and greasy. Father nearly called the university to file a complaint about the lack of cleanliness of the class rooms. Managed to steer the conversation away again, praise mother’s passion for household chores. I don’t think I’ll be able to dodge another bullet like this. My excuses are becoming more flaky by the day.
father walked into the workshop. His air speeder is making too much noise apparently and Ezradun needs to fix it. Of course he noticed “the new apprentice” and wanted to meet me, the strange, inappropriate girl that shows interest in mechanics. Ezradun, proud and gentle man that he is, immediately defended me and tried to introduce me. I tried to distort my voice a bit and made up a lousy excuse of why I couldn’t come out from underneath the bike. Father fell for it. He’s an incredibly intelligent man, the only reason why my ridiculous attempt worked is because in no possible universe would father ever suspect that his daughter would be a mechanic. Never ever.
I think I died today. My heart definitely stopped beating. While I was working on the bike, -thank the stars that I was lying underneath it
I feel the walls guarding my secret life crumbling and I am beyond scared. I am going to lose everything, it’s just a matter of time. I should start preparing for the day that it all blows up in my face
I told Ezradun everything. He was so understanding. He comforted me. I bawled my eyes out. I’d give up everything in the universe to switch my father for him.
I thought we were fine, but I feel that there is a certain tension between Ezradun and me since I told him everything. He’s more reserved and distant. I hope it goes away.
End of the second semester
The swoop bike is looking amazing! I can’t believe how much progress I’ve made over the past ten months. I just need a few more parts – like the breaks – before it’s completely done. I’ve ordered a flashy purple paint, but the delivery is taking longer than expected. I need to find a way to thank Ezradun for this past year and show him how much this all means to me. Maybe I’ll build him something useful for in the workshop.
I don’t know where to start. Everything is over. Father found out. He went through my stuff while I was away. He gave me an ultimatum. I left. I stayed at Ezradun’s. Father threatened him. I fucked it all up. My life is over and my dearest friend in the world will pay for it. I can’t deal with this
I’m so tired. I’m sitting in the port, waiting for a ship that needs a mechanic. I’m going away, off-planet, so my father will no longer have to threaten Ezradun. He has cut me off from everything I ever had. Apptacys are doctors. And if they’re not, they better disappear.
I’m going to prove him wrong, I’m going to prove them all wrong. The entire universe will know the name Apptacy as the name of an amazing mechanic. I’m going to make Ezradun proud.